Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
