thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
