Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
