I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
