the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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