I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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