Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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