dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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