My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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