i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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