stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
