My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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