We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
