so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
