areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
