Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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