the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
