I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
