Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
