Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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