i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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