you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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