do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
