I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize