On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
