The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
