The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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