You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
