This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
