it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
