i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
