Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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