omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
