I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
