More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
