if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
