I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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