I've blown a few things in my day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
