I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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