Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
