my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just high enough for therapy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
