dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How's work?
Spinning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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