i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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