My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
