I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
