Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
