it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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