sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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