You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
