we have officially lost it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize