Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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