I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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