Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Acid is not a monday night drug
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
