weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
