im drinking this country out of the recession.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Holy sore nipples Batman
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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