ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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