Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
