I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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