atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
