Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
