i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
