Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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