I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
