Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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