Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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