Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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