legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
