Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
