Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
