I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
