Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
