Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
