I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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