just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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