i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
