So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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