Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
